We Found Love
by mysticalforces
Summary: AU: Ziva David was running from her life when she met Tony DiNozzo outside of town. Will he be able to help her, or just further damage her?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ziva pulled right into a vacant parking spot at the sports bar of…..truthfully she had no idea where the hell she was at. As she pulled her gear into park, she sat still for a second.

She'd driven for over an hour and truthfully the entire drive had been a blur. She'd just caught her boyfriend in bed with her best friend and all she wanted to do was to forget it. In order to do that she needed to get shit faced wasted. She knew that she needed to get the hell out of San Francisco. She didn't need to run into anyone she knew and have them try to stop her.

Ziva breathed deeply before getting out of her car and strolling towards the entrance. She walked in the door and walked straight over to the bar, she didn't even notice a pair of green eyes that had settled on her from the moment she walked in the door.

She sat down in one of the stools not even noticing that she was right next to somebody.

The bartender walked over to her. "Hey, what'll it be?"

"Washington Apple," Ziva replied as she laid some money out in front of him. "six shots."

The guy quirked an eye brow at her.

Ziva immediately took offense as she wasn't really loving guys at the moment and his hesitation to do her order was starting to tick her off. "You got a problem?"

The guy just smirked. "No, no problem at all. It's your hangover." He replied before grabbing six shot glasses, setting them in front of her and poured. "Enjoy."

The guy that was seated right next to her, watched her with curiosity. He had watched her ever since she walked through the door. She'd looked hurt and his heart had tugged with empathy.

Now, as he watched her down her fifth shot, he could see that she was a fast drinker. If he wanted to talk to her, he'd better do it before she left.

"I…." _Come on, DiNozzo_ he scolded himself. _Just say something_. "I don't believe I've seen you here before."

Ziva rolled her eyes without even looking at him. "That's original."

_That went real well dumbass_, Tony internally berated himself. "I'm Tony." He continued. "So, what brings you here?"

Ziva turned to tell the guy to back the hell off when she was met with the most amazing green eyes she'd ever seen before. It was like the moment she gazed in them, she felt herself get lost and she completely forgot about what she was going to say.

"I'm Ziva," She replied after a few moments. "and I'm here to get wasted. What about you, Tony? What are you here for?"

Tony laughed. "Well, I appreciate your honesty. I've been working double twelve hour shifts for the past two weeks, just needed a night to relax."

Ziva downed her sixth shot, starting to feel some of the effects. "Wow, double twelve's. That's gotta be rough."

"Pays the bills," Tony shrugged. "Can I buy you another drink?"

Ziva's head told her to just grab her shit and get the hell out of there, she didn't know this guy and she didn't need more alcohol. Ziva was tired of listening to her rational head though.

"Sure," Ziva smiled.

Tony smiled back. "You want another shot?"

"What are you drinking?" Ziva asked.

Tony frowned. He was drinking beer and that was the last thing that girl should be mixing crown royal whiskey with. "Listen, Ziva…."

Ziva sensed a lecture coming and it made her become defensive. She was sick of people telling her what was best for her. If they hadn't done that she may not be in this situation. "Are you gonna tell me what you're drinking or not? Because it really makes no difference. If you think you're gonna stop me and be my hero…..ya got another thing coming. I'm no one's damsel in distress." She glared at him darkly.

Tony quickly realized that this girl wasn't gonna respond well to being told what to do. He would just have to keep an eye on her in a tactful way. "Fair enough." He responded after a few minutes. "I'm drinking beer, corona."

Ziva looked at him and smiled. "Good choice."

Tony looked Ziva over for a few moments…he could sense a deep sadness in her just by staring into her beautiful eyes.

Ziva felt mesmerized by Tony's eyes…but they also scared her. She felt like he was looking right down into her soul…

"What?!" Ziva snapped, turning her defense mechanism on quickly to full blast…something she did whenever she felt scared or cornered.

This girl clearly had some deep seated issues…and a part of him told him to just leave this girl be…not to get involved in whatever drama she had going…but a bigger part of him, told him to try. To not give up…to try to know this girl. He already felt something for her. A connection.

Tony breathed deeply before leaning in close to her and gently placing his hand on hers.

Ziva felt an electrical current from the moment his hand touched hers. And her defense mechanism told her to say some snappy attitude like thing to him…threaten him if he ever tried to touch her again…but she didn't feel fear from this guy. She just felt….a safety of some sort.

Tony took it as a good sign that she wasn't pulling away or getting angry. "Ziva," He breathed gently. "do you want to talk about it?"

Tony being this close to her was starting to mess up her brain function…she was forgetting everything else but how close she was to him…how much she wanted to kiss him. "Talk about what?" Ziva feebly tried once again to pretend that she was just here to get drunk…end of story.

"Ziva…" Tony said softly. "I don't know you…but you are not fooling me…I can…" He gently pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and caressed her face. "I can see your pain.."

With those words, with his look of empathy and kindness…just like that Ziva broke. She started sobbing…hard and heartbreaking hysterical sobs.

Tony quickly pulled her into his arms, gently tangling his hands in her hair as he tried to comfort her. "Shhh…" He breathed into her ear. "Its ok…I've got you and it's going to be ok."

Ziva gripped Tony's shirt tightly as she let out all of her heartbreaking tears against him.

"Ziva," Tony said softly. "do you want to get out of here? We can be alone…and you can talk to me…or I can give you more alcohol if that's what you want…but I can't leave you alone in this bar…you're too vulnerable to the wrong kind of guys.."

Ziva pulled back, her face stained with tears as she looked into his eyes. "Tony," She breathed softly. "Why do you care?"

Tony looked into Ziva's tear-filled eyes, wanting nothing more then to comfort her…he didn't even know this girl but he cared…already.

"Ziva," Tony said softly, leaning into her, gently stroking her hair. "I've been where you are. I know what it's like to wanna get lost."

She looked at him for a few moments, really looked at him. "Kiss me," Ziva whispered, leaning in even closer.

Tony's lips were a breath away from Ziva's. His heart was racing as he was so close to claiming her lips with his. "Is that what you want, Sweetheart?" He placed a feather light kiss on Ziva's lips, she lightly moaned. "You want me to kiss you?"

"Mmmm," Ziva moaned softly. She was now in his lap, her legs were wrapped around him and she ached as she moved softly to gain some friction.

"Ziva," Tony groaned. "I'm trying to be the good guy here…but I only have so much restraint…"

"Kiss me," Ziva moaned, her lips closer to his.

"Fuck it," Tony muttered before crashing his lips to hers, kissing her with everything inside of him.

Ziva let out little moans and cries against his lips, her arms around his neck and her clothed crotch grinding against his desperately.

"Ziva," Tony groaned against her lips. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Ziva looked up into his eyes, more than aware of the decision she was making. "Yes,"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I apologize for the wait. Meant to have this up yesterday, but was having issues. I wanna thank you all for the reviews and follows, and favorites :) I noticed one reviewer didn't think Ziva would get this upset over a guy...well one this is very AU. And two, it's not the guy she's upset over as it is her best friend betraying her. I hope that clears it up a little, and that all keep reading and reviewing :)

Chapter 2

Their clothes were being discarded everywhere as Tony and Ziva passionately kissed.

Tony had gently pushed her onto his bed. He was about to remove his shirt when he noticed she had started breathing very heavily and she looked almost panicked.

"Ziva?" Tony questioned concerned, his concern grew when he saw that there were tears in her eyes. "Hey," He reached out and gently touched her shoulder. "what is it? What's wrong?"

Ziva took a deep breath before meeting his worried eyes. "I'm so sorry. I thought I could do this but I can't." She braced herself and waited for the worry to vanish and for there to be anger, but to her shock she saw none.

"It's ok." Tony said softly, his eyes still as gentle as before. "I didn't expect this, you know. I won't lie and say I'm not disappointed because it's where things appeared to be heading…"

"You're…you're not angry?" Ziva's voice was small as if she was waiting for him to get mad and tell her off or call her some awful name.

Tony took a seat beside her on his bed. "No, I'm not mad. Why would I be?"

"Well, I…I came on to you. I mean, I practically threw myself at you back at the bar." Ziva recalled. "You don't think I'm some kind of tease?"

Tony smirked amused. "Well…" When he looked at her face and saw the genuine fear, he gently grabbed her hand. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"I suppose I owe you that much," Ziva replied as was about to go but he cut her off.

"No, you don't." Tony quickly replied. "Ziva, you don't owe me anything. We barely know each other and if you didn't want things to go further with us than you had every right to tell me to stop." He furrowed his brow at her, his concern deepening. "I shouldn't have to tell you that though."

Ziva blinked back tears at how kind he was being to her. She couldn't remember the last time a complete stranger had shown her this much kindness and then she realized that's because it had never happened.

"No, you shouldn't." Ziva finally spoke up. "I uh…I've been having kind of a hard time lately. I guess you could say I've gotten used to getting bad reactions from people." After a few moments of silence, she added on. "From guys. Well…one guy."

"Let me guess, you got into some kind of altercation with your boyfriend?" Tony had had the feeling that ever since she sat in that bar that she was upset with someone. At first he chalked it up to the world in general but now…

Ziva laughed bitterly at the term boyfriend. "Good guess."

"Yeah, well I kinda had you pegged right from the start." At Ziva's confused look, Tony just let out a soft laugh. "You're way too beautiful to be single."

Another bitter laugh escaped her. "Well, thanks for that but I _am_ single."

Tony tried not to show that he was inwardly happy about that surprising part. The girl looked miserable and he liked her but he didn't like that she seemed to be so sad. "Ex boyfriend?"

Ziva nodded. "Yeah, we're done so I guess that's what you'd call him."

"Maybe you should try to work it out." He was shocked at his own suggestion. This is what his friends were always getting on him about, being too nice of a guy.

Ziva turned and glared at him sharply. "That's _not_ happening. I'm not exactly the kind of girl who takes back cheaters." She let out a bitter laugh. "But I _am_ the kind of girl who would take him back after he hit me."

Tony had to swallow back anger at learning that. If there was one thing that made him ever see red, it was when a man mistreated a woman. "I'm sorry. Forget my earlier statement. You deserve better than someone who would betray you and anybody who would lay a hand on you like that, would only do it again."

Ziva turned to face Tony. "Listen, there's something else. I've…I've never done this before."

Tony looked at her in confusion before it him. "Oh! Almost hooking up with some random person from a bar. Yeah, I gotta confess I've never just brought some girl I didn't know home with me either." He looked at her. He had this feeling there was something else she was holding back. "I got the strangest feeling there's something else you wanna say but aren't sure about."

Ziva laughed. "Your guesses just keep on being dead on."

Tony smiled at her gently. "So, what is it?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"You're not gonna tell me you're from some other planet are you?" He joked.

Ziva laughed. "No. Although you may wind up thinking I'm from one…"

"I promise I won't laugh. What is it?" Tony gently asked her.

"I um…I didn't stop you because I'd just gotten out of a relationship." Ziva admitted. "I stopped loving him a long time ago and honestly he's the last thing on my mind. Staying with him was just…it was stupid. I stopped you because…I wasn't ready."

Tony gently reached out a tucked a strand of her hair out of her eye. "Ziva, I told you it's ok. We don't know each other that well, I know things were going fast…"

"No." She shook her head. "I mean, yeah they were. But it's not just that. I…I've never had sex before. Not with anyone. Ever."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews! Hope you guys like this next chapter :)

Chapter 3

It had been five minutes since Ziva had made her confession to Tony. Honestly his silence was starting to kind of freak her out.

"You're not saying anything," Ziva quietly spoke.

Tony turned to her, his eyes still as gentle as they were before. "I'm sorry, I just…I wasn't expecting that. You caught me off guard with that one." He let out a soft laugh but then abruptly stopped. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing, I promise."

Ziva sighed. "You think I'm weird now, don't you?"

Tony shook his head. "No, hey, no I do not think you're weird. You're a lot more innocent than what I took you for back in that bar, but looks can be deceiving."

"If you only knew how wrong you are about that." Ziva replied and at his questioning look, she stood up. "Forget about it. Doesn't matter. I should go. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"No, hey no." Tony stood up and grabbed her hand. "You didn't waste my time. When I saw you, I knew I wanted to know you and that hasn't changed."

"Really?" Ziva was surprised. "You…are you saying you want to see me again?"

Tony smiled at her warmly. "Yeah, I would love that. I know you're going through a hard time right now, and things are maybe complicated in your life but I wanna know you. Even if we're just friends, that's ok. I wouldn't mind waiting until you were ready for more than that."

Ziva smiled. "Wow. I've never met anyone quite like you before. I've never met someone who just off the bat seems to get me."

Tony gently smiled at her. "How about I walk you home?"

Ziva laughed. "Oh, it'd be a long walk. I don't actually live around here. I live in San Francisco."

Tony laughed, stunned. "Wow. Why…why would you drive two hours completely out of the way just to go to a bar? I mean, I'm not complaining. I wouldn't have met you if you hadn't but…"

"It's complicated." Ziva replied. "I…I just needed to disappear for a little while. I drove for a couple hours and I was tired so that's why I stopped. I honestly wasn't thinking further than that."

"Are you in some kind of trouble?" Tony asked her concerned. A thought hit him and his eyes began to darken. "Are you running from your ex?"

"Kind o…" She looked up and saw the seriousness in his eyes. "not like you think. I'm not like running scared for my life. I just don't wanna see him right now. We didn't part on the best terms. While I've completely said my peace and am done, he's not." Ziva pulled out her cell phone. "There is like ten voicemails and thirty texts."

Tony frowned. "In some states that's considered stalking. I don't know much about your situation but if you need to drive two hours away from home just to avoid this guy, you could have grounds for a restraining order."

"Are you a cop or something?" Ziva joked.

He didn't smile. "Or something. I'm a detective. I deal a lot with cases that involve missing people."

"Wow. Wasn't expecting that." Ziva replied after a few moments. "Well, I should probably go.."

Tony quickly grabbed her arm, his grip gentle. "You're not going anywhere."

Ziva was stunned. "Excuse me? Look, I meant what I said back there. I'm no one's damsel in distress. If you don't take your hand off me, you're gonna be on the ground." She forced her voice to sound hard and tough, but she couldn't deny that she did feel inwardly intimidated by him.

Tony immediately let go of her. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I would never hurt you. I'm not like that. I just can't let you drive two hours home when you've had six shots and a beer." At her embarrassed look, he gave her a half smile. "You'd be a headline just waiting to happen."

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry. I kind of forgot about that, legal aspects and all." She let out a small laugh. "I didn't mean to come across as a bitch. I just don't do well with being man-handled."

Tony looked at her regretfully. "I'm really sorry that you thought that's what I was doing. I didn't think before I grabbed you. I just couldn't let you leave and possibly get in an accident." He gave her a small smile. "I know you're not a damsel in distress but I was trying to save you anyway…from a DUI."

Ziva laughed. "Yeah, well I'm sure I would've gotten one so thank you…Officer."

Tony laughed. "Just Tony is good. I'm off duty."

Ziva smiled.

"So, you can take the bed and I'll take the couch in the living room." Tony suggested to her.

Ziva stared at him for a long time.

"What?" Tony asked.

"It's just….are you for real?" Ziva finally spoke.

"Yeah, pretty sure. Last time I checked." He lightly laughed.

Ziva looked at him seriously. "Why are you being so nice to me? You barely know me and I'm pretty sure I've dropped more drama on you then you know what to do with."

Tony gently touched her face. "Because I like you."

Ziva smiled back. "I like you too, Tony." She did. She liked him a lot more than what she thought would be possible for the short time she knew him.

"And also because it's what you deserve." He finished quietly. He gently kissed her forehead and walked out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It had been a couple weeks since Ziva had seen Tony. They had talked on the phone regularly since she'd left, but a phone call wasn't going to be enough this time. She needed to see him.

So she was driving out to his house. Although if any law official had decided to pay any notice to her, they wouldn't have seen it as driving. It wouldn't been seen as speeding.

She finally pulled into his drive way and angrily turned the ignition off. She was angry. She was angry at _him_…angry at _her_…angry at the world but even more than them, she was angry at herself. She was angry at herself for getting sucked back into that drama.

She got out of her car, slammed the door and marched up to Tony's front door and proceeded to bang on it with her fists.

The door swung open not even a minute later. It was fast. Too fast for her. She could've done with at least five more minutes to take more of her aggression out on his front door.

"Hey," He said surprised. "I didn't know you were gonna be coming out this way." Tony smiled at her, but it faded when he got a good look at her. She looked angry. Her eyes looked red and there were traces of tears on her cheeks. "What's wrong?" He gently reached out and touched her face.

Just like back at that bar, his gentleness was her undoing. She could feel tears stinging her eyes and she angrily forced them back. She had to stay angry, it was easier that way. "I hate _her_," She forced out, trying to make her tone sound angry but instead it just came out in a whimper.

Tony gently lead her inside his house, she walked away from him and he closed the door. "Somehow, I don't see you having the capacity to hate anyone."

"Well, I do!" She spun around angrily. "I hate Abby!"

"She has a name," Tony muttered.

"I hate James!"

"So does he," Tony muttered darkly. All he needed now was a last name. He could do a search in the data base, find out where the guy lived and beat him within an inch of his life for all the pain he'd been causing Ziva.

"I hate this world! You know where I went last time I hated the world? I went to that bar and I met you and I.." She angrily ran a hand through her hair roughly. "_talked_ myself to death! And look at me!"

"Ziva," Tony said softly. He hated to see her this way. In so much pain.

"I'm still the same!" Ziva stalked up to him. "You know what? I think I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna go back and rewrite that ending." She never got past him because he grabbed her by her waist and held her against him closely and tightly.

"Like hell you are." Tony told her angrily. When he thought of her going back there and being taken advantage of, it made him crazy. He still felt the same way he had when they'd met at that place. He didn't want her with anyone that wasn't him.

"Let go of me." Ziva replied angrily, fighting against his hold.

"No." Tony replied, his grip on her tightening.

"Damnit, Tony!" Ziva yelled, hitting his chest. "Let go of me now!"

"You're not going anywhere, Ziva!" Tony snapped.

"Remember what I said to you the last time you pulled this?" Ziva was still fighting him like crazy.

"Yeah, I do. And I think if that statement were true, I'd be on my ass by now." Tony retorted. "Wanna tell me what's really going on?"

Ziva fell against him, all of her energy drained. "What's really going on is that I am _tired_. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being sad. I'd rather just be angry. Angry's easy. I could just go on and keep beating your chest forever but I'm not angry at you. It's not fair of me to treat you like my punching bag. That's what I was doing." She burrowed her face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Tony just held her to him, more gently this time. He kissed her head. "It's alright."

She shook her head against him. "No, it's not alright. You haven't been anything but nice to me. You've never done anything to hurt me, at least not yet."

Tony frowned at that. "Hey," He pulled back to look into her eyes. "I can't promise you that I'm never gonna hurt you. One day, I probably will hurt you. Eventually, I'm sure you'll hurt me too. It won't be on purpose but that's just the way relationships work. You know what I _can_ promise you?" He gently stroked her face. "I can promise you that I would never do what he did to you. I would _never_ cheat on you and I most certainly would _never_ raise a violent hand to you."

"I know." She quietly said but the way she looked down after she said it, made Tony doubt that she really did.

"I'm not so sure that you do. Which hurts by the way, but that's ok. We're still figuring each other out, still getting to know each other. Trust will come with time. I'm patient and I can wait until I've earned it." Tony gently told her. "Ziva, you can't go through life thinking that every person you allow yourself to care about is going to one day let you down."

"Tony, I'm sorry." She whispered painfully.

Tony gently shook his head. "I don't want you to be sorry, ok? It's how you feel and your feelings are important to me. I want you to be honest with me and you were. The only way that this can work is if we're always honest with each other."

"I didn't mean what I said before." Ziva told him. "I was angry and I was trying to start a fight with you. In a way, I was even testing you to see if you'd stop me."

"Well, you won." Tony replied. "I was prepared to hold you against me until the end of time. I never would've let you go."

"You wouldn't?"

"Of course not. I already told you that I wouldn't hurt you like that and I also wouldn't let you get put into a position where you could get hurt like that." Tony gently told her. "I care about you a lot. The thought of you being hurt or being with someone else…it makes me crazy."

Ziva gently pulled his face to hers and kissed him deeply. "Tony, ,ever since that night…I haven't _wanted_ to be with anyone but you."

Tony gently smiled at her. "I haven't wanted anyone but you since you walked into my life."

Ziva smiled and held his hand in hers.

"So, what exactly happened today?" Tony finally asked.

Ziva frowned and sighed. "It's Abby. When we first met, I was angry with her for sleeping with James when he was still with me. Now, I'm angry with her for _still_ being with him. For defending their relationship to me. For making it all my fault!"

"You uh...you still care about him don't you?" Tony was trying like hell not to sound angry about it if he was right. She had just recently gotten out of a really bad relationship. He knew that kind of thing had to take time.

"What, James?" Ziva shook her head, shocked he would even think such a thing. "No, of course not! I told you that I stopped loving him a long time ago."

"Ziva, if that were true I don't think you would've come over here so angry and so upset." Tony sighed. "Look, it's ok if you still care about him. It takes time. You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm _not_ lying!" Ziva snapped. She really was telling him the truth about James. She really didn't love him anymore. She hadn't for a long time. "I don't give a damn about him! I don't love him, I love her!" She blurted out. "Abby! He's gonna do to her what he did to me. I just know it!" She cried out.

Tony was stunned. "This is about Abby?" Ziva tearfully nodded. "Baby, you still care about her after what she did to you?"

She never ceased to amaze him. He definitely did not see that one coming.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Tony took a seat beside Ziva on his couch. "You know, I've gotta tell you I find it really surprising that you could have the capacity to still give a damn about someone that betrayed you like that."

"I know I should hate her." Ziva replied. "I've told myself that I've hated her nearly a hundred times, but I don't. I can't. I can't hate her because I know that deep down, none of this is really her."

Tony remained silent, just listening to her.

Ziva shook her head, as a trace of anger entered her eyes. "This is James. This is just what he does to people. He brings out the worst in others, believe me _I_ know." She finished darkly. She had just been a teenager when she met James. He'd taken a messed up kid and made a broken woman. She feared he would do the same to Abby.

Tony was all for giving others second chances and all for empathy but this was ridiculous. "Ziva, unless James" Just saying the bastard's name pissed him off. "held a gun to Abby's head, she made her own decisions. She made the decision to be with him, when she knew how you felt about it. She's _still_ making the decision to be with him now. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't hurt you like that."

"I've told myself the same thing many times." Ziva admitted. "Tony, I appreciate you sitting here and listening to me…"

Tony gently smiled at her and grabbed her hand in his. "It's what I'm here for."

Ziva gave him a gentle smile back. "But you don't know her. I knew her before James ever entered our lives. We grew up together. She was my best friend, she was like my sister."

"I actually know what that feels like. I've had my best friend ever since high school. We even went to college together. I've been close with my best friend, McGee my whole life." Tony revealed to her with a soft smile. "But if he knew that I was dating you, knew that you were my girlfriend and knew how much I cared about you…if he knew _all_ of that and went after you anyway no way in hell would we still be friends." Tony's eyes turned somewhat dark. "I'd probably kill him." He took a breath and softly smiled at her. "But that's what makes you a bigger person than me. You have a really good heart."

Ziva smiled. "I know that you probably don't understand, it's just she was all I had growing up. It's hard to just let her go."

Tony frowned. "All you had? What about your family?"

Ziva's smile faded and her eyes turned sad. "Ok, I need to tell you something but please…don't be mad."

"I promise." Tony gently told her. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry, Tony." Ziva sighed. "I'm sorry but I lied to you. That day when we were talking on the phone about families…I lied."

"I don't understand." Tony shook his head, but his eyes were still soft. Just confused. "You're not close with your family?"

Ziva shook her head. "I don't have a family, I never did. I don't have parents, I don't have siblings. None of it."

Tony let go of her hand, hurt. "Then why did you tell me you did? You said that you guys used to take family trips to a lake and that you took ski trips." He looked at her hurt. "I was really happy that day because I thought I was getting to know you, but you were lying to me. You just made it all up."

Tears stung Ziva's eyes as she saw how hurt and how disappointed he seemed to be in her. "Tony, I am so sorry!" She cried. "You just went on and on about your family and how close you all were before you lost your parents. You asked me about mine and…I was ashamed."

Tony couldn't find it in him to be upset with her when she was crying. He gently wiped a few of her tears away and held her cheek. "Ziva, I really care about you. A lot. Ok? You don't have to be ashamed of who you are, especially not with me. You don't have to make up stories to try and impress me." He gently smiled at her. "You impressed me the first night we met. And that hasn't changed. I wanna know you. The _real_ you."

Ziva nodded tearfully. "Ok. My uh…my childhood sucked. I grew up in the foster care system, so did Abby. She was all I had. I mean, I had a family at one time until I was four but then they had their own, so they sent me back." She closed her eyes tightly, trying to will the tears away. She hated thinking of that time and she hated that Tony always seemed to witness her break downs.

"Ziva," Tony said softly. He could feel her pain as if it was his own, just like that night. He gently leaned his forehead against hers. His arms going around her. "Look at me." He said quietly.

Ziva shook her head. "I'm ok." More tears were falling down her face. She was pushing against his chest, trying to get out of his hold. If she stayed there, she would completely break down and she didn't want that. "I don't.."

Tony wouldn't let her go. He knew that she needed him. "Babe, you don't have to pretend with me or put up a wall." He finally got her to open her eyes and look at him. There was an emotion she saw in his eyes that she couldn't quite name but could almost swear she knew what it was all the same. "I told you. I wanna know the _real_ you."

Just like that Ziva broke down and Tony pulled her into his arms as she sobbed into his chest. "Don't.."

"Don't, what?" Tony gently asked as he held on to her.

"Don't do this," She sobbed. "don't say you wanna know the real me and then leave once you realize you don't. Don't hold me." His grip on her tightened even more if it were possible. "If you're gonna leave, don't hold me…"

"Sweetheart, I'm not gonna leave." Tony rasped, feeling tears sting his own eyes as he realized how deep abandonment really went with her. His hand tangled in her hair as he held her tightly against him. "I'm not, I'm not going anywhere."

"It hurt so much," She cried out. "I didn't understand what was wrong with me, why no one wanted me. Abby was the _only_ one who could come close to understanding but not even she completely did. I used to think that if I was really good then someone would want me. It never happened."

Tony gently kissed her head. "I'm so sorry. That wasn't fair, you know? They weren't fair to you."

"I've never told anyone that before. Not even Abby." Ziva sniffled against him.

"I'm glad you told me." He gently kissed her neck. "You can tell me anything."

"Tony," Her voice was child like, vulnerable and afraid. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" His voice was hushed and pained at how fragile she was. "Baby, what are you scared of? Me?" He gently pulled away to look into her broken eyes. "I would _never_ purposely hurt you. I would never abandon you and I never would break your heart."

More tears stung her eyes. "I don't want this to end." Ziva whispered. "I wanna be with you and I haven't felt that in so long."

Tony gently leaned in and kissed her. It was passionate but it was also gentle and full of promise. "I wanna be with you too. This isn't going to end, not if I have anything to say about it."

Ziva nodded and gently smiled before leaning back in to kiss him, his arms went around her waist as they fell back against the couch kissing deeply, both of them getting completely lost in each other.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next time Ziva found herself in Tony's drive way, it was out of fear.

It was a couple months later. They still talked on the phone and he came out to see her a bunch of times. He'd felt bad that she'd seemed to be driving two hours away from her home, just to see him. Their relationship had been going great, more than great. It was perfect.

Now as Ziva sat in her car, in Tony's drive way she couldn't seem to get herself to leave her car. She winced in pain as she touched her eye. She was sure it had a bruise. She'd had a really bad run in with James. She was doing such a great job at avoiding him but she shoulda known that wouldn't last.

He had been less then thrilled that she'd been meddling in his relationship with Abby. It may not have gotten so ugly but she got a little too opinionated for her own good. And when he made it known that he knew about her and Tony…well jealousy once again reared it's ugly head with him. Although she couldn't for the life of her figure out why the hell he cared. He was with Abby so what the hell did he care what she did with her life?

She groaned and laid her head against the steering wheel. Even though things were perfect with Tony, her life was still so screwed up. James clearly wasn't done with her it wasn't fair of her to drag Tony into her messed up life.

Tears stung her eyes when she thought about letting him go. What had she been thinking coming all the way out here now? It was two in the morning, her face was all bruised up and she was wearing a tank top a pair of pajama bottoms. She clearly did not think this little outing through. She was just in such a rush to get away from James, and as always Tony was the first person, the only person that she thought of going to.

Her mind was all made up to just leave and go back home. James probably wouldn't still be there and if he was, she'd just call the cops. Which is what she should've done to begin with. She reached her hand to turn the ignition on when she heard a loud horn.

"Oh shit!" Ziva groaned. In the dark, her hand had hit the middle of the steering wheel. "Good one, Ziva." She scolded herself. "Lets alert the whole block of what a idiot you are."

She was about to just quickly pull off and leave when she noticed Tony's porch light come on and his door open. Now if she left, he'd know she was here and he'd probably wanna know why his girlfriend showed up at his house at two in the morning and just left.

She saw Tony walking outside toward her and she panicked. She really didn't want him to see her like this. She quickly opened her glove department and grabbed a pair of sun glasses and threw them on. She rolled her window down.

"Ziva?" Tony's voice was raspy and full of sleep. "Don't take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here? It's almost three in the morning."

_Black hole just swallow me up now_, Ziva mentally pleaded. "I'm so sorry, Tony. I didn't mean to wake you up, you weren't even supposed to know I was here."

A little more awake, Tony furrowed his brow at her. "Then why did you honk your horn?"

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident." Ziva explained. "Either that or God just couldn't help but see an opportunity."

Tony looked at her in amusement. "You're funny. So, why are you here again?" He reached out and gently touched her arm. "Not that I'm not always happy to see you. I am, obviously but is something wrong?"

Ziva didn't want to lie to him. The last time she did that, he was so upset with her. She didn't want to get into it either. "In the spirit of not lying to you, there is something wrong." She saw his concerned face. "But it's not life threatening and I really should not have come here so late. I mean, you must be tired. I know, I am. So, I am gonna go and hopefully you'll pretend this never happened."

"Ziva, I obviously can't let you leave." Tony replied firmly. "If there is something that was bothering you so much that you felt the need to drive over here at three in the morning, it's obviously worth talking about."

"I actually really don't wanna talk about it just yet." Ziva sighed. "I'm actually very tired and I just need to go home."

Tony shook his head again. "Then, why don't you just come inside and go to sleep? I really don't like the idea of you driving this late, such a far distance when you're tired. I would worry."

Ziva sighed. When it came to her safety, Tony was pretty stubborn. "Ok." She reached over to the passenger side and grabbed her jacket. She put it on. "I really don't want to talk about it, so you can't ask me any questions."

Tony opened her door and she stepped out. "Are you wearing sun glasses?"

Ziva glared at him. "No questions, remember?"

Tony just shook his head in amusement. "I think it's really funny that you show up at my house at three in the morning and _I'm_ not allowed to ask you any questions."

"That's fair." Ziva conceded. She was just going to have to deal with him finding out.

Ziva followed Tony inside the house and the door shut behind them.

"Glad you agree." Tony commented as he walked up to her and gently removed her glasses. His features twisted into a murderous expression when he saw her black eye. "What happened?" He quietly asked.

"Ok, fine." Ziva sighed. "You have to promise that you are not going to get mad and do something crazy like go out and kill him."

"I'm sorry, Ziva. I can't promise you that." Tony replied angrily. "I think maybe it's best if you tell me exactly what happened before I draw my own conclusions."

Ziva nodded. "James showed up at my house. He was less then thrilled about me trying to get Abby to break up with him. He obviously hit me. Can we leave it at that?"

Tony shook his head, barely holding in his rage. "No, we can't leave it at that. Your neck's red. He obviously did more than hit you."

"He tried to force himself on me." Ziva finally admitted quietly.

Tony's eyes were wide and he looked even more enraged than before. "He, _what_?" He hissed violently.

Ziva was really afraid of what he might do if he left here to defend her. "Tony, he had been drinking.."

"I was drinking the night I met you." Tony threw back angrily. "But when you said no, I still knew to keep my hands to myself."

"Tony, I was really scared but I managed to get away from him because there was no way in hell I was gonna let my first time be with him. I would've died first." Ziva was breathing heavily.

"C'mere." Tony quickly and fiercely pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. He heard her let out a pained hiss. "I'm sorry, baby." He pulled back to look at her. "He hurt you didn't he? I mean, he really hurt you." He noticed her hesitation. "You don't have to downplay it. I'm not gonna leave and do something crazy." _At least not yet_, he thought to himself darkly.

"I probably just have a few cuts." Ziva explained. "We got into some what of a violent struggle." At his features going angry again, she rushed to calm him. "I'm ok, Tony. It's nothing I haven't been through before."

"And that makes it all ok?" Tony shook his head in anger. "Just because you've been something this bad before doesn't mean that it's not a big deal when you go through it again. What he did to you is wrong. All of it."

"I know that." Ziva looked up at him. "You're the first one to ever say it."

Tony gently reached out and took her hand in his. "I want you to move in here with me."

Ziva looked at him in shock.

That was the last thing she expected Tony to say to her.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews and follows and favorites! To answer some questions: Tony is a police detective. He's not with the NCIS in this fanfic. His job mainly entails with finding missing people like he told Ziva in...chapter two I believe it was. Tony is 26 and Ziva is 22. Ziva's job hasn't been brought into the story yet, but she works at a clothing boutique. And yes Abby is "our" Abby from the show. But she's different and pretty misguided because of James. I plan to eventually bring McGee more into the fold. Anymore questions at all, feel free to ask in a review or drop me a PM. Hope you guys like this next chapter!

Chapter 7

"Tony…" To say Ziva was stunned would be an understatement.

"I'm serious." Tony gently took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. "I want you to move in with me."

Ziva looked at Tony seriously. "Why?"

"Why do you keep coming back here?" Tony countered.

Ziva looked at him slightly hurt. "You know, you're kind of sending me mixed signals…"

Tony looked at her regretfully when he realized she'd misunderstood his question. He quickly grabbed her other hand in his free one. "Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You know I love seeing you." He gave her a gentle smile. "The first week we met, why did you show up here when you were upset? You could've gone anywhere.."

"Not really." Ziva snorted. "I don't have any family and whenever I had a problem, Abby was always the person I went to. Can't very well go to her when _she_ is the problem."

She could've sworn she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes and it made her hate herself for being so blunt.

"No, Tony…" She quickly squeezed his hands tightly. "It's not that you're a last resort. You're not, ok? I'm sorry." She sighed. "This whole being honest thing is still new for me. I'm not used to explaining my feelings regarding my actions. I came here because even though I'd only known you for a week, I trusted you to understand. I _trusted_ you. That's why I came."

Tony smiled at her warmly and gently brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. "Is that the reason why you came tonight?"

Ziva shook her head. "I mean, yes of course I trust you but that's not the main reason why I came here."

"Why did you?" Tony asked her softly.

"I didn't even think about it." Ziva softly replied. "Ever since I met you, any decision that I've made in regards to you hasn't had any thought put into it at all. I went home with you without even stopping to think what could happen to me if you weren't a decent guy. The reason I went home with you the first night I met you is the exact same reason why I came tonight. It's because you make me feel safe." She blinked back tears. "You make me feel cared for and I don't have that with anyone else."

"Ziva," Tony's voice was hoarse. God he was so in love with her. It was getting harder and harder not to just come right out and tell her that. "you have no idea how much I care about you."

Ziva smiled with tears in her eyes. "So, I answered your questions. Answer mine." Her smile faded and her gaze turned serious. "Why do you want me to move in with you?"

"You deserve to feel safe and cared about and valued. You shouldn't have to drive two hours away to get those things. You should have those things in the place you live at. I know it's a cliché, but they say that home is where the heart is." He saw her narrow her eyes at him in amusement and he chuckled. "Hey, it's a real saying!"

Ziva just shook her head in amusement. "Really? Who said it? Because I remember seeing it on a hallmark card."

Tony just grinned at her. "You _cannot_ make fun of me here, not when I'm being such an awesome boyfriend."

Ziva smiled at him brightly. "Well, you do have a point."

Tony smiled at her. "Is it a yes?"

Ziva's smile faded and she sighed. "Tony, you have no idea how much it means to me that you would make such a heart felt suggestion just to make me happy, but I can't accept it."

Tony frowned and demanded. "Why not? Why can't you accept it? Ziva, isn't the fact that you're _always_ running to me tell you something?" It was more than him just being in love with her that compelled him to ask her to move in with him. He did hate that she lived two hours away but furthermore he couldn't stand the thought of her being in danger without him being close by. Next time something even worse could happen to her.

"Yeah, that I have too much drama." Ziva snorted. "It tells me that I need to start practicing thinking things through instead of continuing to disrupt your life every time any little thing happens."

Tony's eyes flashed dangerously. "I wouldn't call nearly being _raped_ a small thing, Ziva. How can you say you're disrupting my life?"

Ziva sighed. "Tony, you don't need-"

"Don't tell me what I need." Tony cut her off sharply. "I've made my own decisions for a really long time, Ziva. I started pretty young, that's what losing parents early will do to you. If you had family, you'd-" He instantly cut off at the look of devastation crossing her face. "Oh, babe I.."

Ziva looked at him with so much hurt, her eyes just looked broken. She violently yanked her hands out of his grasp, even as he was desperately reaching for her again.

"Don't!" She snapped. "This is a classic example of why I don't share my feelings with anyone. This was my mistake. I made the mistake of thinking that you weren't just anyone. You _are_." She blinked back tears. "You are just like everyone else. You have no problem using my past to hurt me."

Tony was shaking his head, his eyes stinging with tears. What the hell was wrong with him? What had he been thinking?

"No, I'm not. That's not what I was doing, Ziva…" He quickly and desperately grabbed her arms, clutching her to him. "Please forgive me. I swear to God I was not thinking when I said…I would _never_ deliberately hurt you. Never." He swore vehemently.

Ziva was shaking her head and looking at him with more hurt then he had ever seen in her beautiful eyes before. It killed him that it was directed at him, that he had hurt her after he swore he wouldn't break her heart.

"Baby, please." Tony pleaded. "This is just like one of those times when I told you I would eventually wind up hurting you, not on purpose but because this is what happens in relationships. Misunderstandings are bound to happen, right?" She didn't even seem to be hearing him, she was just looking right through him. "Please, Ziva you have to believe me, I would _never_…"

"No, I don't!" Ziva exploded through tears. "You know James would always say the _exact_ same thing to me…that I _had_ to believe him! That he didn't _mean_ to hurt me!"

Tony's eyes darkened at the mention of that bastard. "I am _not_ James and you know it." He quietly said.

"I don't have to believe you!" Ziva continued on. "I'll never believe you again!"

Tony looked at her desperately. "Ziva, please I l.."

"Let go of me." Ziva quietly demanded.

"Please, don't do this." He was terrified that if he let her go now, she'd be out the door and he'd never see her again. "Don't throw us away."

"_You_ already did that." Ziva threw at him. "You did it the moment you threw my past in my face!"

Tony was starting to get pissed off. He knew that what he'd said was insensitive and the biggest jerk move he'd ever made in maybe his whole life but how could he fight for her and tell her how much he loved her if she wouldn't even give him the chance?

"You've just been waiting, haven't you?" He said bitterly. "Waiting for an excuse to push me away."

"Let me go!" Ziva screamed.

Tony looked at her with such disappointment. "Fine, you win. Leave." He turned away. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't watch her walk out of his life. "You wanna walk out on us so badly? Leave."

He abruptly spun around when he heard her let out a harsh cry and saw his door slam shut.

"Damn it," He muttered, tears stinging his eyes. Why did he have to have so much pride when it came to his heart? He should be fighting for her tooth and nail no matter how hard she tries to push him away.

He had decided that he was going to follow her back to San Francisco, make sure she was safe. But after fifteen minutes went by and he hadn't heard her turn the ignition on, he decided to go outside and check on her.

Tony turned his porch light back on, walking outside to her car. He felt his heart stop when found that her car was empty and she was nowhere to be found.

Where the hell could she have gone on foot?

What if something really horrible happened to her?

"I swear to God I am never gonna forgive myself if she's not ok," Tony whispered.

He then took off to look for her around his block.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I wanna thank all of my reviewers and followers! You guys are just amazing! Hope you like this next chapter :)

Chapter 8

Tony was beside himself with worry.

He had been around his block at least ten times. In fact, he was so thorough he was pretty sure he'd torn apart the whole neighborhood just looking for Ziva.

He had ended up right back at his house. There had been no sign of her anywhere. He was considering the possibility that she could've been taken. He was trying to calm himself down.

_I'll just get in my squad car_, He reasoned. _I'll cover more ground that way. _

"You just had to be an asshole because your feelings were hurt." He scolded himself.

Now, because of his stupid pride she could be paying the price.

It had also started to pour heavy rain down about a half hour ago.

Tony headed to his garage, he stopped short when he was sure he heard loud crying.

It was coming from his back yard…

He felt his heart stop.

"Ziva…" He whispered as he quickly took off and went around the corner, that lead to his back yard.

There she stood, standing hunched over and crying so hard that he wondered how in the world she could even catch her breath.

He hated himself for what he'd done to her.

He had to go to her and he had to make things right.

Tony quickly rushed over to her, wrapping his arms around her rain soaked body from behind.

She let out a scream and tried to pull away, but he just held on to her even tighter. "Baby, it's me." He gently but firmly whispered.

"Tony.." She sobbed.

"C'mon, Sweetheart." He rasped. "Lets go inside…"

"No!" She cried out. "I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"Ziva," He said softly. "please, you're soaked. You could get sick…"

She spun around, glaring at him. "What do _you_ care?!"

Tony visibly recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "You know I care. I've been going out of my mind worrying about you!"

"How about I set your mind at ease? I'm leaving, ok?! You don't have to make me your problem any longer!" Ziva snapped, but before she could take a step out of his reach he grabbed her, clutching her to him.

"You've _never_ been a problem for me!" Tony yelled. "Can you really not see what you are to me? Did I hurt you that bad?!"

She fought to get out of his hold but he wasn't budging. "Let me go!" She cried out.

"No," Tony replied, shaking his head. "you're not going anywhere."

Ziva started fighting him, throwing punches at his chest. "Take your damn hands off of me now!" She screamed.

In one swift motion Tony picked her up, carrying her over his shoulder. The action made her kick and scream harder. "Tony!" She yelled.

He carried her through the backdoor to his house and shut the door with his foot.

"This is so not ok!" She ranted, kicking and punching him with all her might.

Tony tightened his grip around her waist. "Do you even know why you're fighting so hard to get away from me?"

"I wanna go home!" She cried out, still hitting him.

"Really?" He continued carrying her upstairs. "Home to the psycho ex boyfriend that tried to rape you?"

Once he reached his room he deposited her body onto his bed, it wasn't gentle but it wasn't roughly either.

"What are you doing?" There was a hint of fear in her voice.

She was still very certain that he wouldn't cause her any physical harm but if James had taught her anything, it was that there was always a first time for everything.

Tony quickly knelt down in front of her, determined to get rid of the fear he saw in her eyes. "When we first met, you knew you had nothing to fear from me, right?" At her nod, he gently took hold of her hands. "I think you know that's still the case. That's _always_ going to be the case with me, no matter what."

When the fear went out of her eyes, he sighed relieved and continued on. "I just need us to talk. I don't want you to walk out like earlier. I need you to listen, _really_ listen to me."

"Why does it even matter, Tony?" There was helplessness in her tone.

"Because _you_ matter, Ziva." He looked at her firmly. "You're the only one who matters to me and I need you to know that I did _not_ mean what I said to you.."

"Tony, if it wasn't this it would've been something else. It's…" She blinked back tears. "we just _don't_ belong together."

Tony felt his heart break at her words. "Please, don't say that. Baby, if you only knew how much I…"

"What?" Ziva's voice broke. "What, Tony?"

Tony gently reached out and took her face in his hands. "I love you."

Ziva was stunned. "What?"

Tony gently smiled at her, removing his hands from her face to take her hands in both of his, squeezing them tightly.

"I _love_ you, Ziva." He repeated, more strongly. "I'm in love with you."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Baby, please say something." Tony pleaded softly, still squeezing her hands in his own.

"You love me?" Her voice was uncertain.

He gently smiled at her. "Yes, I do. I love you very much."

To his surprise she yanked her hands out of his angrily. "What kind of game are you playing with me, Tony?!"

"I'm not playing anything, Ziva." He replied with confusion. "I'm telling you the truth _finally_. I'm telling you what I've been holding back for a very long time."

"You're lying." She spat.

"No, I'm not." He replied hurt. "I love you…"

"Stop saying that!" She screamed and she shoved him.

"It's the truth!" When she went to shove him again, he quickly grabbed both of her wrists. "Why won't you believe me?"

"Because it's not possible for anyone to love me!" She yelled.

Tony dropped her wrists, stunned. "Wow." He said softly.

Ziva breathed heavily, her hand came around to cover her mouth. She was shaking and sobs were working their way up her throat.

He looked into her broken eyes and saw the painful truth in them. "You really believe that, don't you?"

Ziva let out a sob and slumped to the floor.

Tears stung Tony's eyes to watch the girl he loved so much just fall apart.

"Hey," Tony got on the ground with her and put his arms around her. She tried to pull away and his arms tightened around her. "baby don't do that. Don't push me away. Please, just talk to me. Let me in."

Ziva sobbed. "I trusted you, I believed you.."

Tony knew what she was referring to and he hated himself for it. "I know, baby. I'm sorry." He gently turned her face toward his. "Ziva, I am so sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you." He choked out. "I didn't think.."

"I know." She breathed deeply. "But you were right."

Tony shook his head. "No, I wasn't. I was hurt when I said those things, baby. I was hurt and I was angry."

Ziva looked at him in confusion. "I don't understand."

"I wanted you with me." His voice was hushed. "I wanted you with me so badly. I wanted to protect you and I wanted to give you all the things you'd never had in your life before. But you said no. You were choosing to go back to a town where all that was waiting for you was more pain and more fear." He looked down ashamed. "It pissed me off."

"Tony, I said no because I didn't wanna disrupt your life." Ziva softly replied.

"Is that the real reason?" Tony gently asked. "Or is it because you thought that if we lived together I would push you for more than you were ready for?"

"Tony, you're the first decent guy to ever enter my life." She blinked back tears. "I was…"

"What?" Tony gently wiped away a tear that was falling down her face. "Baby, what is it?"

"I was afraid that it would turn into a disaster," Ziva cried. "like James.."

"Ziva," Tony's voice was firm but gentle. "I'm not James. Alright? I'm never going to be James. You have to start trusting me when I tell you that."

Ziva nodded. "Tony," Her voice was shaky. "do you really love me?"

Tony softly smiled at her, his eyes shined with unshed tears as he pulled her close to him. "Sweetheart, I love you more than you could imagine."

Ziva threw herself into his arms and cried against his chest.

Tony held her against him tightly, and pressed a kiss against her head. "I love you, Ziva. I love you so much and if I have to sit here with you and repeat it forever, that is exactly what I will do."

Her voice was muffled against his chest. "Forever's a really long time.."

"Yeah," He lightly chuckled, stroking her hair. "and I have time, we have time. We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere."

"Do you promise?" Her voice was soft and child like.

Tony gently pulled her out of his arms, and brought her face up towards his. "Baby, I promise." His voice was firm and not a hint of hesitation.

Ziva shakily nodded. "Ok, than there's something I have to tell you."

"Hey," He gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "don't worry about that now. We have all the time in the world, remember? Don't feel rushed to say it back if you're unsure."

Ziva shook her head, fear showed in her tear-filled eyes. "It's not that. It's not about you and me. It's something else.."

Tony wanted nothing more to wipe out that look of fear in her eyes. He didn't want her to be scared of anything.

"Then, what is it?" He noticed her hesitation and gently leaned in and kissed her. "I don't want you to be scared with me, babe. You can tell me anything."

Ziva breathed deeply. "There's something else, Tony. I'm sorry, but there's something else that I haven't been completely honest with you about…"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"What haven't you been honest with me about?" Tony asked her warily. He had honestly truly hoped that they were past the secrets stage.

Ziva sighed deeply. "James." She gathered her courage to just come out and be as honest as he was being with her. "What happened with him tonight…it didn't happen the way I said it did."

Tony frowned. "What do you mean? Are you saying that he didn't…hurt you?" That made no sense to him. Why would she make that up?

"No, no!" Ziva quickly rushed in. "I didn't lie about him attacking me. I would never make that up, Tony. It's just…there's more than what I said."

Tony's eyes remained confused. "I still don't…" Then they darkened. "Ziva, did he succeed in forcing himself on you?"

"No." Ziva softly replied.

But her tone and the look in her eyes suggested other wise. "Ziva," He warned. "this is serious. I need you to be very honest with me."

Tony gently ran his hand through her damp hair. "Did he…were you…" He couldn't even stand to think it, let alone utter the words aloud but he had to know. "Did he rape you?"

Ziva shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. "No, he didn't rape me."

Tony's eyes held immediate relief as he fiercely pulled her into his arms. "Thank God," He murmured against her hair.

"But," Ziva's voice was shaky. "I felt violated just the same."

Tony's eyes darkened again. "What exactly did he do to you, Ziva? The whole truth this time. I can't help you if I don't know the whole story."

"I went to see Abby and I told her she needed to get away from James for her own safety. At the time, I didn't think my words had any effect on her, but when James showed up at my door drunk and pissed at around ten o'clock…well I must've made some impact." Ziva explained.

Tony was getting impatient. He already knew about Abby. "You already told me that part. Quite frankly, I don't care about Abby. She made her own decisions. I care about you. Now what did that bastard do to you?"

She took a shaky breath. "At first he was furious that I was interfering and than he…"

"What, baby?" Tony gently gripped her hands in his own. "C'mon. You can tell me anything. It's ok."

She nodded. "He seemed to have the idea that I still wanted him." She choked back a sob as she met Tony's eyes desperately. "But I don't! I swear to God I don't want him! I just want you!" She cried out hysterically.

Tears stung Tony's eyes as he rushed to reassure her. "Hey, I know. I believe you, Sweetheart."

Ziva took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "It got heated. He forced his way inside. I tried to get away and he grabbed me threw me across the room and…I think I landed against glass or something. It was sharp. He made his way over and he pinned me to the floor…"

Tony's rage which had simmered started to slow down when he noticed her starting to hyperventilate and panic. "Hey, hey," He forced his voice to come across as soothing. She needed his strength, not his rage. "Sweetheart, look at me." He gently held her against him, tipped her chin up to face his eyes.

"You're safe with me, Sweetheart." Tony gently assured her and to his relief he noticed her start to calm down. "If you can't tell me the rest, it's ok…"

Ziva shook her head. "No, no. I need it over with. He..he pulled my pants down and he forced his mouth there…"

Tony felt disgusted and the rage came back again. He was gonna make that piece of trash pay if it was the last thing he ever did. "What else did he do?" He quietly asked.

"I think he would've done more, but I was able to kick him really hard and I ran out." Ziva finished. "I got in my car and I drove…I drove to you."

Tony felt like he was gonna boil over. "I want you to stay here, Ziva. Keep the doors locked…"

Ziva felt a shudder come over her. "Tony, what are you planning on doing?"

Tony's dark eyes met her worried ones. "I'm gonna pay that creep a visit and make him regret ever laying a hand on you."

"No!" Ziva quickly grabbed his arm. "Tony, think about this! You don't have jurisdiction!"

"I don't care." Tony replied angrily. "I'll make my own."

"Listen to yourself! You can't abuse your power as a cop!" Ziva snapped.

"Watch me," Came his dark reply.

"Tony!" Ziva screamed. "What are you planning on doing?! Are you just gonna track him down and beat him to death?! Are you going to kill him?! What are you-?!"

"I don't know!" Tony exploded, his control on his anger snapping. "I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do, Ziva! Alright?!" In a fit of anger, he punched the wall. He was completely out of control that he missed her scream of fear as well as the fear in her eyes.

"Jesus!" Tony roared on. "You told me he didn't rape you and than…surprise, surprise! He did! Now, I'm torn in two completely different directions! I love you so fucking much that what you just told me rips my heart out! So, no Ziva! I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do!"

He finally starts to simmer down and that's when he takes notice of her face. She looks completely terrified, she's shaking.

"Ziva, I'm sorry…" He whispers, hating the look of fear in her eyes and hating himself for putting it there. "I…I have to go."

He promised that he would protect her and right now what he needed to protect her from was himself. She didn't need or deserve his rage. She'd dealt with enough of that crap.

Tony turns and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

That's when Ziva breaks down and shatters completely.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Tony stood outside the bedroom door that separated him from Ziva.

He hated himself for just losing his temper like that with her. He wasn't really angry with her, he was furious with James. And he wished she would start trusting him with the truth from the start.

He wished she'd trust him to handle it.

_Yeah, you really did an awesome job handling this one didn't you DiNozzo_. Tony thought to himself disgusted.

He heard loud sobs coming from inside the room. He sighed and felt the disgust he already had for himself rising. Not only had he been a world class bastard to her but now he was actually the cause of her tears.

As much as he wanted to find James and make him pay, he realized he couldn't do it now. He couldn't just leave her all alone in his house to cry. He couldn't believe he'd been such an ass, especially not with how he knew what she'd gone through with James.

How many times this must've happened with him. How many times that bastard let his rage loose on her and left her hurt, in tears and all alone. He'd wanted to show her that he wasn't like him, that he was different. He didn't want her to ever think he could be like him.

Tony turned around and softly opened the door.

He felt his heart break at the sight of her small form curled up on the floor crying.

"Ziva," Tony's voice was gentle as he made his way over to her. He gently reached out for her and picked her up. He sat down on the edge of the bed with her safely in his arms. "baby I'm sorry."

Ziva's body shook against him as she quietly cried. "I thought…I thought you were too angry at me to even be in the same with room with me."

Tony shook his head regretfully. "I was never angry with _you_, Ziva. I was furious with James for what he'd done to you." He gently placed a kiss against her head. "I'm so sorry I lost my temper and walked out on you like that."

Ziva slightly pulled away to look up at him. "I saw the way you looked at me." She cried. "It was the exact same way James would look at me right before his fist would connect with my face."

Tony felt his blood boil when he thought about that bastard putting his hands on her like that. "Baby, I didn't mean for you to think that all of that was directed at you. You told me what he did to you and it infuriated me. I walked out on you…not to stop myself from hurting you but so I could find him and rearrange his face for what he did. I could never hurt you, Ziva _never_ in a million years. More importantly than that, I would never _want_ to hurt you."

"You really scared me." Ziva replied quietly.

"I know," Tony gently reached out to wipe a few of her tears away. "and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I ever made you think for even a second that I would, that I could ever put my hands on you like he did. This whole time, all I ever wanted to do was make you feel safe. I wanted to prove to you that I was nothing like him, not make you think that I actually was."

Ziva sighed. "Tony," She took his hands in hers. "I don't want you to do anything to James."

Tony frowned. "Baby, he hurt you. I can't just let him get away with that!"

Ziva blinked back tears. She loved the way he loved her, how fiercely protective he was of her but at the same time those were the same exact things that scared her the most. She didn't want him to get hurt or get in any type of trouble because of her.

"Tony, you _have_ to." Ziva stated.

Tony looked at her incredulously. "The hell I do!"

"You could lose your job if you do something to him!" Ziva snapped. "Not to mention…"

Tony took a breath to calm his raging emotions. She didn't need or deserve his anger or frustration. He'd be damned if he made the same mistake twice with her.

"Not to mention, what?" Tony softly asked.

"I've told you how violent he is, how strong…" Tears stung her eyes at the thought of Tony getting hurt for her. "How out of control.."

Tony looked at her stunned. "Wait a second…" He gently wiped a tear off her cheek and gently rested his hand in her hair, gently stroking it. "You're worried…about _me_?"

Ziva nodded. "Of course I am!" She cried out. "You don't know what he gets like, I do! I was with him for over a year. When he gets out of control, he tears things up, tears people up!"

"Like you." Tony softly said, forcing his hand not to clench in anger and to stay soothing as long as it was touching Ziva.

"Me, Abby…" Her voice choked up when she thought about Abby was now going through. Then, she let out a bitter laugh. "The UPS delivery guy!"

"Wow. What did the guy do? Deliver a package to him late?" Tony replied sarcastically.

Ziva shook her head. "No, that one was my fault."

"I'm sure that's just something he told you to make you feel bad." Tony replied softly.

Ziva shook her head again, another round of tears stung her eyes. She still felt bad to this day whenever she thought about what James did to that poor guy.

"No, actually it really was my fault. See, I was at home when he showed up. I was signing for a package and under normal circumstances that would've been the end of it, but I realized that I knew him." Ziva explained.

Tony was still gently stroking her hair and he used his free hand to gently brush away her tears, even as more were forming. "Knew him how, baby?"

"I um," Ziva took a deep breath. "I knew his sister. We used to go to school together."

Tony could sense this was a hard subject for her and wanted to make it as easy for her as he could, be as comforting as he could. "Did..did she move away or something?"

Ziva shook her head as pain filled her eyes. "There's something else I should also mention so this makes some sense…a week before I got that package and he showed up, a gun man showed up at school. A lot of people died and..she was one of them."

Tony was shocked, and felt so much sadness for her. He couldn't believe all of the horrible things she'd endured before he'd met her.

"Ziva," His heart broke as he saw more tears fall down her beautiful face and she let out a small sob. "baby come here." He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly and protectively as if he could shield her from all of the pain in the world.

"She was the nicest girl in school," Ziva sobbed. "she went out of her way so many times to befriend me and I just blew her off! I was afraid, I…" She pulled her head out of his chest to meet his worried eyes. "Before you, Tony I didn't let people in. I didn't have friends…except for Abby and she was never a friend, she was always more of a sister. We grew up together, she was the only one who knew all of the dark jaded things that made me _me_ and still wanted to be around!"

"You can't blame yourself." Tony gently told her. "You didn't know how things would turn out."

Ziva shook her head, as traces of anger filled her eyes. "That's not good enough, that's not an excuse for the way I treated her. All she ever tried to do was be nice to me and I just ignored her like she wasn't there."

"I know exactly what you're feeling, Ziva." Tony softly said.

"How could you possibly know what that felt like?" Ziva replied back just as softly.

"You blamed yourself for her death, right?" At her nod, he smiled sadly. "You think you should've been the one to die and not her because she was so nice to you." At her look of amazement, he gently touched her cheek. "All of those things, the way you felt and from how upset it still makes you to this day, obviously it's how you still feel…all of that goes along with survivor's guilt, Sweetheart. It's that ten million dollar question, why did _you_ live and why did _she_ die?"

Ziva breathed deeply. "You…you really do know how I feel."

Tony nodded. "I've been there myself. I've seen people die too, Ziva. Hell, I've even seen a couple people die _for_ me. It took a long time for me to come to terms, to come to this conclusion but…it wasn't my fault they died. Just like it wasn't your fault that she died."

Pain filled Ziva's eyes again. "That's where you're wrong, Tony."

Tony brought his hand back to rest in her hair, stroking it like before. "We're all here for a reason, Ziva. We die for a reason and we _survive_ for a reason. McGee once told me that in every given situation God always has a plan, even if we don't necessarily know what that plan was or is. I didn't believe him at first, I was in a lot of pain when he told me that…but I do now. Now that I've healed from those emotional scars…I believe it with all of my heart."

"She died because of me." Ziva whispered painfully.

"I know that's how you feel right now because you're not past what happened but I'm telling you Ziva one day you won't feel that way anymore." Tony told her gently.

"Tony, you don't get it!" Ziva yelled, tears stinging her eyes again. "She died _for_ me!"

Tony was silent for a few moments. "Do you…" He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel worse than she already did. "can you talk about it?"

Ziva breathed deeply and nodded. "There are some things that I blocked out about that day. I think I blocked everything out but her, because she deserved to be remembered not blocked out, not ignored…like I'd been doing to her everyday before."

Tony wanted to ask her if she'd ever sought counseling for what she'd endured. He knew from personal experience how traumatic going through something like really was, but he'd save that question for later.

"I remember him just showing up with a gun…yelling…everyone screaming.." She blinked back tears. "Everyone but me. I don't know why I didn't scream, Tony. Normal people scream, right? I didn't."

"You were most likely going into shock, baby." Tony gently brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Honestly, you not screaming wasn't an abnormal reaction and it was actually smart. It was smart of you not to scream and draw his attention to you."

"I never thought about it like that." Ziva softly replied. "Like I said, there are missing moments from that day that I still cannot remember. After he showed up and all the screaming…the next thing I remembered was being in a completely different room held at gun point. He had a really painful tight hold on me, he held a gun to my head…"

"Jesus, baby." Tony whispered.

Tony hated that she was so young to have had something so truly horrific happen to her. He knew from experience how terrifying it was to have a gun pointed at you.

"He held a gun to my head, his breath was on my neck…it smelled like.." She shuddered and quickly pushed the thought away, buried it in the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about that and for reasons she couldn't quite recall, her mind didn't want her to remember what that smell was because she couldn't remember. "I don't remember the smell."

Tony frowned. The more he thought about this, he really didn't like the fact that there were things that occurred in her life that she had no memory of. He knew how powerful of a tool the mind really was and that in truly horrifying circumstances, it would shut down to protect you from things. He also realized that if there were things about that day…about that gun man that she didn't remember, it was most likely because she didn't want to remember them, because they were either too traumatic or too sad.

Tony tried to smile, tried to keep his features as soothing as possible and to be as comforting as he could for her. "That's alright, Sweetheart. Just tell me what you do remember."

"She was standing in front of me, of us. Hayden was her name. I don't even remember how she came to just be standing in front of me, just like I don't remember what lead to me being held at gun point in a different room than what I started out in." Ziva admitted. "I…this next part really isn't going to make any sense.."

Tony was still trying to keep the worry out of his eyes as much as possible. "That's ok. It's ok if it doesn't make sense, Ziva. You can tell me anything."

Ziva weakly smiled, she was grateful to have him, to have his support. "This won't make sense and will be unbelievable but I swear this is the next part that I remember. She went from standing in front of me to suddenly struggling against him for the gun." Tears rolled down her face. "I was on the ground…my arm…" She touched her own arm in after thought. "It was broken. I don't remember how it got broken, but I know it was. Then the next thing I knew a gun shot went off and she was on the ground…bleeding abdominally."

"What happened next, baby?" Tony gently asked her.

"There's another blank spot because the next thing I remember after that, he was suddenly gone and EMT's were attending to my arm. I was outside in an ambulance. I don't even remember how I got there." Ziva recalled. "That's not good is it?" She looked up into his worried eyes, even as she knew he was trying to conceal it for her. "That I have so many missing memories from that one day."

Tony breathed deeply, as much as he didn't want her to worry or be scared, he still couldn't lie to her. "Honestly, Sweetheart no. That's really not good."

When he saw tears fill her eyes, he instantly hated himself.

_Good going asshole_, Tony thought to himself angrily. _Now you've scared her_.

"But, I don't want you to worry." He forced his voice to be encouraging and soothing. "I don't want you to be scared. I promise everything is going to be ok, I'm here for you." He saw her nod gratefully and he gently smiled. "Do you wanna finish your story about the UPS guy or do you wanna rest?"

"I wanna finish." Ziva replied. "I um…I knew Jared…that was his name. I knew Jared's sister through passing until that day. It had been a month but I could tell her death still affected him. I felt so bad, Tony. She died protecting me and I felt like I had to do something to make her death matter. So I invited him in. I talked to him, it was all about Hayden. The visit lasted about an hour or so and than I walked him to the door." She breathed deeply as she thought about the next thing. "I opened it…and I reached out and hugged him, I told him I was sorry for his loss again. That's when…"

"That's when James showed up, right?" Tony realized.

Ziva nodded. "Yeah. He freaked out and started beating the poor guy. It was brutal and horrible. I had to call the police and while Jared was ok, we didn't see each other again. He was worried about me and tried to warn me that someone who treats others like that…one day he'd be that way with me. I denied that would happen…" She laughed bitterly. "I told him that he loved me and he was just being protective. I was so stupid."

Tony shook his head, hating what she'd been through. "No, hey you are _not_ stupid, Ziva. Abusive relationships…they're an easier cycle to get sucked into than one would think. Abusers are manipulative and pretty good at making the person they are abusing believe it was their fault. Just like he made you believe that what he did to Jared was your fault, but it wasn't. And he was right…guys like James…that's the way they treat people."

"I know it didn't necessarily look good, his girlfriend hugging some guy…" Ziva replied. "I mean…how would you react if you saw me hugging some guy that you didn't even know?"

"Well, I would be somewhat jealous because you're beautiful and I love you…" Tony gently smiled at her and she smiled back. "But I would trust you. I would trust you and I would just ask you what it was about, who he was before I jumped to any conclusions."

Ziva sighed. "God, Tony…why couldn't I have met you first?"

Tony gently kissed her forehead. "I wish it had happened that way too, Ziva. Everything happens for a reason though. I think the bad things happen so that when the good comes, we can really appreciate it. At least that's what McGee's always told me."

Ziva smirked. "Your friend is just full of incitements isn't he?"

Tony smirked back. "Well…personally I blame it on his girlfriend. She has really changed him and for the better." He softly smiled at her. "The same way you did for me."

Ziva smiled, his words warming her heart. "Tony," She leaned in and kissed him deeply. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her in closer to him.

Tony had never loved anyone like he loved her and he knew he never would again. A lot of people would say that it was crazy that he was so sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ziva after only knowing her for a few months, but it was how he felt. It was real and he knew she was right for him, she was the only one that was right for him.

Ziva moved to sit in his lap, her legs wrapping around him as she kissed him. She moved against him, it was much like the night they met.

"Ziva," Tony groaned, he wanted her so badly. He'd wanted her ever since the night he met her and that hadn't changed. "baby.."

"Tony," Ziva moaned as she felt his hands slipping slightly underneath her shirt. "I love you."

Tony's hands stilled and he looked at her with a smile, his eyes shining with tears. "I wasn't sure I'd ever hear you say that to me." He leaned in and kissed her deeply. "I love you, baby. I love you so much. You're my whole world."

Ziva smiled softly. "I'm really not good at this.."

Tony smirked as he gripped her hips, pulling her even closer. "You're better than you think.."

Ziva playfully hit him. "Not what I meant."

"You know…I'm really not into that sort of thing…" Tony playfully responded and it earned him another playful hit. "but I suppose I could be persuaded for you…"

"Stop it!" Ziva laughed. "I meant…" She smiled softly at him. "I meant I'm not the best at expressing my feelings. Saying the words, I love you always terrified me. When I said them to James…they were out of fear. I didn't mean them. There were time I fooled myself into thinking I loved him but I never truly did."

"Oh, Sweetheart." Tony gently brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "I'm sorry it was like that for you. Love isn't supposed to be commanded out of fear, it's supposed to be because that person makes you so happy, makes your life worth living that you can't let another second go by without letting them know that."

Ziva looked at him stunned. "Is…is that how you feel about me?"

Tony nodded, gently smiled at her. "That is _exactly_ how I feel about you, Ziva. You're my world. You're the one."

Tears stung Ziva's eyes, but for an entirely different reason this time. It was out of happiness. "That's the most amazing thing anyone's ever said to me, Tony. I love you so much. I've never felt like this before. I never felt safe, happy and loved all at the same time. And also…scared."

Tony frowned. Scared? He didn't want her to be scared of anything with him, not ever. "Scared of what, baby?"

"Of losing you. Of losing what I have with you." Ziva tearfully admitted. "I don't know how I'd survive if I lost you one day."

"Hey," Tony gently kissed her lips. "that's never gonna happen. You're never gonna lose me because I'm never gonna leave you. I love you and the thought of life without you is unimaginable, Sweetheart. I couldn't bare it."

Ziva sweetly kissed him again, leaning her head against him. "Tony?"

Tony heard the hesitation in her voice. "Hey," He tipped her chin up so she looked into his eyes. "what is it?"

"I, um…" Ziva desperately wished she could be normal. Express herself like a normal girlfriend does. "I'm still not ready."

Tony gave her a gentle smile full of understanding. "Hey, that's alright. Sweetheart, I would never demand anything of you. You know that, right?" At her nod, he breathed relieved. "I love you, Ziva. I love you for who you are, for what you've done for me and my heart. I didn't get into this relationship with you because I was in a hurry to sleep with you. That's not what matters to me."

Ziva looked at him in relief. "Really? You mean all of that?"

Tony gently smiled. "Of course I do, baby. I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't think about what it would be like to sleep with you, that I don't dream of it even." At her blush, he smiled again. God, he loved her innocence. For everything she'd been through, she was still so pure and he thanked God for that. "But that can wait. I can wait. I can wait for that as long as you need, as long as it takes."

"God, I love you Tony." Ziva threw her arms around him and held him tightly. "I've never met anybody like you before. From the moment you entered my life, you've done nothing but make my world better. I don't know how to ever thank you for that. I…I want…when it happens…I want my first time to be with you."

Tony held her back, placing a soft kiss on her neck. "Baby, you already have. Just by loving me back, you have. And it will be, when you're ready. I'll give you that. I'll give you everything, Ziva."

Ziva smiled into his neck and laughed through her happy tears. She pulled back to look at him. "Tony? Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything, baby." Tony softly replied.

"What you said before…you said that there's always a plan and that we survived for a reason. What I wanted…" Ziva breathed deeply. "What I wanted to ask you was…why do you think you survived?"

Tony was stunned, she'd caught him off guard with that question but he answered with absolutely no hesitation as he looked up into her beautiful trusting eyes. "To fall in love with you."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry about the wait guys. Real life's been kind of hectic. Gonna try to update more regularly. Thanks to everyone that's still along for the ride!

**Chapter 12**

_Screams surrounded her, as well as multiple gunshots. _

_She'd had her eyes screwed shut up until this point. She didn't want to open them, didn't want to see what was going on. But at the same time, she did. _

_Ziva didn't know if it was morbid curiosity or plain stupidity, but she opened her eyes._

_Her eyes darted around the room, she had to bite her lip to hold back a cry of horror at her teacher laying dead nearly across the room with a bullet in her head._

_She'd always liked her. She was the only one in that whole school that had ever tried to encourage her to be better than she was._

_Unfortunately she didn't have time to grieve because she felt her arm being grabbed roughly and a gun being thrusted in her face._

"_You!" Her assailant yelled. "What did you see?! I thought I told everyone to keep their heads down!"_

_Ziva was shaking. "I..I didn't see anything. I promise I didn't see anything.."_

_His glare was menacing. "I don't believe you. You're coming with me!"_

_If it was possible for Ziva to shake anymore than she already was, she would be. "Please…" She whispered. "Please don't hurt me."_

"_I need a hostage and you're it." His eyes leered over her. "It may not even be so bad for either one of us."_

Ziva gasped loudly as she woke up, clutching her chest.

"Ziva," Tony gazed over at her worriedly. He reached over to comfort her but thought better of it when he took in her appearance. She appeared to be reliving something, he could tell the last thing she needed was for someone to try to touch her. "baby are you alright?"

Ziva was still clutching her chest, she was having difficulty breathing.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked worriedly.

Ziva turned to him, her eyes panicked. "To..ny…I…ca…brea.."

Tony's eyes widened horrified as he realized what was happening. "Hey, hey." Forget about not touching her, he had to get her to breathe. He grabbed her arms, his hold gentle. "Baby, you're having a panic attack. I need you to calm down for me, ok?"

Tears stung Ziva's eyes as she looked at him terrified. She grabbed onto him as if he could save her. "To…n…y…"

"Baby, don't try to talk, ok? Focus on me, ok?" He gently stroked her cheek. "Take small, even breaths." When he noticed it was working and her breathing was getting even, he breathed relieved.

Ziva leaned against him, his scent calming her like nothing else could.

"You're gonna be ok, Sweetheart." Tony gently murmured. "You're safe with me. James can't hurt you."

Ziva shook her head against him, and pulled back to look at him. "It's not, James." She shakily replied. "I was having a nightmare about the school shooting…"

Tony's heart broke at the terror he could still see behind her eyes. "Oh, Ziva.."

"More than a nightmare actually." Ziva admitted. "I think…" She breathed deeply. "I remember what happened, Tony. I remember how I got kidnapped."

"What happened?" Tony asked gently. His eyes still held worry in them but also a little relief that she was starting to remember.

"I had my eyes shut pretty much the whole time, I had them screwed shut so tightly that the inside of my eye lids were actually hurting." Ziva recalled. "Then…" She broke off as she felt tears entering her eyes.

Tony gently wiped her tears away, drawing her in close to him to provide her comfort. "Then, what Sweetheart?"

Ziva breathed deeply. "I heard gun shots. I heard screaming…and…I opened my eyes. I was so stupid, I knew better…"

Tony gently shook his head. "It wasn't stupid, Ziva. Not at all. Sometimes we just can't control how we're going to react in such a situation. To control your reactions in a traumatic situation takes years if ever to master. You were just a kid, it was a completely normal thing to do."

"I looked over and I saw her…" Ziva choked on a sob, the memories still so raw and painful. "She…she was dead! There was a bullet in her head…but her eyes were open…but still she wasn't there anymore."

Tony's heart ached for her.

What she was describing sounded like a battlefield. He knew all too well what that was like. Before he became a police officer, he'd served in the marines for a year. He'd been in Iraq. He would've never gotten through that if he hadn't accepted help when he came back.

It was the kind of help he really believed Ziva could benefit from.

"Who was she?" Tony gently asked her.

"She uh…she was my teacher." Ziva shakily replied. "She was one of the only ones that ever believed in me. She didn't deserve to die like that, to die at all."

"No one does, baby." Tony gently replied, reaching out to wipe a lone tear away from her face. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"He…the man with the gun…he was suddenly in my face with the gun." She breathed deeply. "He said I was gonna be his hostage."

"What happened after that, Sweetheart?" Tony calmly asked, but inside he was furious. He hated that her life had ever been in danger like that.

"I uh…" She blinked back tears. "I don't know. I don't remember anything after that. It's like a rolling movie in my head that keeps pausing a certain places. It's the first new memory I've had of that day in three years, Tony."

Tony was silent for a few moments before speaking. "Are you sure there's not something you're not telling me?"

Ziva glared at him. "Everything that I remember, you know. Why would you even ask me that, Tony?!"

Tony remained calm as a way to try and defuse her and keep her from getting more upset. "Baby, I'm not trying to upset you…"

"Yeah, well you're doing a pretty crap job!" Ziva retorted harshly.

Now more than ever, Tony was convinced there was something she was withholding from him. She was getting way too defensive. Something wasn't adding up.

"Ziva, you woke up this morning in a full panic attack!" Tony took a breath to calm himself, the last thing he wanted as a repeat of last night. He needed to take a different approach when it came to her. "It's just…"

"It's just, what?!" Ziva snapped.

Tony reached out to grab her hand, but she snatched it out of his reach almost violently. He sighed. "It's not normal."

"Well, I'm not normal Tony." Ziva angrily replied, blinking back tears. "If normal's what you want, you should probably find another girlfri-"

"Stop!" Tony firmly replied, gently grabbing her upper arms. "I don't want normal, I want you. Always."

Tears were streaming down her face. "Tony…"

"What is really going on?" Tony gently but firmly asked.

"Nothing." Ziva whispered, wiping her tears away.

"Look, if you're not ready to tell me that's fine. I won't try to force it out of you, but please don't lie to me." Tony replied with a hard gaze.

Ziva sighed. He didn't deserve to be treated this way. It wasn't his fault she was a basket case. "I had one memory in three years, Tony."

"That's good though, right? I mean, it's good that you're finally starting to remember…" Tony replied.

"No," Ziva shook her head. "it's not good. I'm starting to remember because I've been talking to you about it. I'm afraid if I tell you what else I remember that I'll remember more and I don't want to."

Tony frowned. Couldn't she see how unhealthy that was? She couldn't possibly want to stay this way? "Baby, you can't just shut it out and lock it away forever. Eventually it's gonna come back to you. The harder and longer you try to run away from it, the worse it will be."

She blinked back tears. "I don't want to remember!" She cried out. "I don't want to remember what happened before Hayden found me…what happened after…it's all a blank and I want it to stay that way!"


End file.
